Red Desert
by kathiann
Summary: Car troubles on the way home strand Jane and Lisbon in the middle of nowhere, and they must deal with their slowly increasing physical attraction to each other along with many interruptions along the way. Heed the rating, very M.
1. The Speed Bump in the Road

**Red Desert **A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

**Authors Note: **This is a collaborative work between lgmtreader and kathiann. We have chosen to have kathiann be first author because (a) the idea originated with her, (b) she probably did a bit more of the writing (lgmtreader, knowing that kathiann would be first author, tried to let that happen :) ), and (c) kathiann is a much better known writer here and so we felt that the story would get wider circulation. But while each of us separately wrote out different parts, we both also did quite a bit of editing of all parts, often simultaneously, using the magic of google docs. So this is a truly collaborative, jointly-authored work. (So, we don't really have a beta, but rather served as each other's betas.)

Finally, this work is a multi-chapter story, and is COMPLETE; kathiann will be publishing each chapter on a regular basis if she remembers (but lgmtreader will probably be reminding her anyway).

**Disclaimer: **We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

**Warning: **Rated M for a reason. Pure fluffy smut will ensue in future chapters.

**Spoilers: **None, really. Characters slightly OOC, because, let's face it, as much as we'd like it to happen, it never will.

**Chapter 1: The Speed Bump in the Road**

"Remind me again why I let _you_ drive?" Lisbon leaned her head wearily back against the passenger seat of Jane's little blue car, now parked uselessly at the side of the road. "I _knew_ something like this would happen."

"Liar. Besides, you know you can't resist my charm – and what's to say that this wouldn't have happened anyway, even if _you_ had driven?" Jane asked, turning and smiling at her from the driver's seat.

"Jane, your car broke down. In the middle of nowhere. We don't even get cell service out here. The closest town, if you could call it that, is five miles down the road. _My_ car is in perfect condition. This would not have happened if I had driven." She grabbed her stuff out of the car and slammed the door.

"Hey, the engine has problems, there's no need to break the door! Wait, where are you going?" He called after her, watching her walking down the road. _Man, is she sexy when she's mad. Wait... where did _that_ come from? Lisbon is not _sexy_, she's the opposite of sexy, she's ... _Lisbon_._ Confident that he had managed to talk himself out of thinking of Lisbon as sexy, he hurriedly snatched up his own overnight bag and ran to catch up with her. "Are we going to walk back to the town? It's five miles!"

"Yes Jane, we are going to walk. Feel free to sit out in your hot, dead car if you prefer!" She continued on, not slowing the fast pace she had set. It was a sweltering afternoon, and she wanted to get to somewhere with air conditioning and cold drinks.

He finally caught up with her, grabbing her arm in an attempt to get her to stop walking so fast. The searing look she shot him made him drop her arm as if it burned. She never let up her brisk pace, and they were at the small town at the crossroads between the two small highways in less than an hour. Jane was sweating profusely, even though he'd removed his coat and vest; he was gasping and out of breath, as if he had just run the five miles. Who knew that a woman that small could walk so fast?

She headed to the first building they came to, the office for the one small motel in town. It had definitely seen better days, but luckily there was a functioning pool beside it, and he looked longingly at the cool water before following her into the office, which was blessedly not nearly as hot as it was outside. Lisbon was already speaking with the woman behind the counter asking about rooms.

"We only have one room; I hope that's ok. I know it doesn't look it, but we're a very popular place. There's good hunting in the canyon lands; the wives stay here while their husbands are up there hunting. It's only got one bed, that's why it's so cheap; the other bed was damaged beyond repair and we haven't had the chance to replace it yet."

"That's fine. Is there a phone in the room? We don't appear to be getting cell service right now," Lisbon asked as she handed the motel clerk her credit card.

The woman laughed. "That doesn't surprise me! The way the canyons are, even if we could get cell towers in here, the signal would just bounce back and forth. Phone in the room, local calls only." Lisbon raised an eyebrow. "If you need to make a long distance call, you can use the phone right here. Gas station has a tow truck, and the general store on the corner has most everything you could want. The diner stays open until 9:00."

The woman handed Lisbon a key to the room and smiled at her, gesturing to the phone on the counter. "Help yourself."

Lisbon nodded her thanks to the woman and picked up the phone. A quick call to Cho to inform him that they were stuck in the middle of nowhere, and that no, she didn't know if it had a name, and didn't care, and she was out the door, headed towards the gas station across the way. As she brushed past Jane she glared at him again, clearly still mad at him and his car.

"You _will_ be paying me back for this, Jane," Lisbon growled. "I hope you brought a credit card, because I am _not_ paying to have your piece of crap car towed to the gas station." He had to run to keep up with her again, and again came in on the conversation halfway through.

"…tomorrow. Driver's stuck up in the wash. Hope you folks can wait that long." A big man with greasy hands was speaking to Lisbon.

"Don't have much of a choice." Lisbon spoke kindly to the man then turned and snapped at Jane, "Give him your keys, Jane; that way they can possibly get to it earlier, and _maybe _we'll even have a chance to get out of here tomorrow."

She glowered at him as he handed over his keys to the big man. Jane was so busy trying not to look at Lisbon and the smoldering angry look in her eyes that he didn't even make his normal basic observations. He wisely kept his mouth shut until after they were outside the mechanics shop.

"So what are we going to do?" Jane asked, risking a glance at her.

"_We're_ not going to do anything. This is barely a speed-bump in the road! There's nothing here but the few folks who live here. Why don't you go mess with their minds like you so often do, and leave me the hell alone. Do try not to get into too much trouble; at this point I'd probably let them arrest you and throw away the key," she added sarcastically as she marched off to the small store on the corner, leaving him standing there watching her go.

_Preview for Chapter 2__: There's only one room in the inn, and they have to share. Jane does his best not to notice his boss's attractiveness as things get more casual; a stop by the pool and hot tub to cool off doesn't help…_


	2. Turn Around, Bright Eyes

**Red Desert **

A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

**Authors Note: **To all of our lovely readers, as promised, a speedy update :) This one is much longer than most, just so you know.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

**Warning: **Rated M for a reason. Pure smut will ensue in future chapters.

**Chapter 2: Turn around, bright eyes**

Jane wandered around the "town" for awhile attempting to amuse himself. He'd already talked with the mechanic and found out that there really was no way to get his car there quicker; the waitress at the diner told him he should really try the pie when he came in later; and the woman running the hotel affirmed that really, they just had the one room. He was making his way back across the three-lane highway when he heard the sounds of someone splashing in the pool. He quickened his step and saw, to his shock, Lisbon in the pool, wearing... no, there was no way she was wearing what he thought she was wearing.

"Lisbon!" he called out, walking up to the small fence that separated the parking lot from the area that held the small pool and hot tub.

The splashing stopped and Lisbon stood in the shallow pool where she had been attempting to swim laps. "What?!"

"Where did you get that swimsuit?" He was having a hard time looking at her; the bikini she wore was smaller than should be allowed in public, at least on her. It covered everything it was required to, but just barely – it still left way too much skin exposed for him to be comfortable. He could see the slightly tanned skin of her abdomen and the way her collar bones stood out slightly as she breathed heavily from the exertion.

"At the General Store. I don't really care for the red, but it was the only one in my size." She wiped the water off her face and looked at him again. "I don't know what _you've_ been doing for the past half hour, but _I've_ been attempting to cool down."

"I've been out bugging the locals, like you told me to," Jane mumbled, looking away. He couldn't look at her much longer and keep his composure. "Hey, did they have any swimsuits for men over there?"

"I didn't look, I'm not a guy," she said before sliding back into the water and again attempting to swim laps. Jane watched her for a few more seconds before deciding that he wanted to join her. She looked cool in the water, and it could be fun. A quick trip to the store and he was outfitted in the latest in swim gear – from the 1980s. He smiled ruefully to himself. Large flower patterns and a size too big, but they would work.

After he got back to the motel, he borrowed their key from atop her towel and went to the room to change. Five minutes later, he returned and entered the pool area. Lisbon continued with her laps, pointedly ignoring him. He eased into the water, and, making his best effort at not looking at her in her skimpy attire, began his own set of languidly-paced laps. He had to admit, the water was refreshingly cool after their five-mile jaunt in the summer heat. He began to zone out and just enjoy the moment, forgetting his boss, her anger, and their situation, for a bit.

But the peace was not to last. A group of kids also staying at the motel decided to come play in the pool. By this time, Lisbon's anger had mellowed somewhat, and she grudgingly agreed to join Jane in a game with the kids and their water toys. They wound up playing a mixed-up cross between water polo and keep-away, with Jane and Lisbon against various combinations of the children. They were happily splashing away, when suddenly, Lisbon zigged when she should have zagged, and she wound up falling sideways right into Jane. He caught her before she could go under, her arms briefly, instinctively clutching around his neck; her breasts brushing up against his chest... and all the emotions about her, about her attractiveness, that he'd been trying to repress all afternoon came flooding back.

He released her awkwardly, not wanting to lose the contact, but at the same time not wanting to embarrass himself by holding on too long. She tried to hide her own embarrassment by deciding it was time to get out of the pool. "I'm getting hungry, Jane. I'm heading to the diner. If you want to come you can, but it doesn't matter to me whether you do or not." _Hmm_, he thought, _guess she's still a bit peeved_.

He experienced an atypical sense of unsureness – should he join her and see if he could jolly her into a better mood? or should he stay away, given the discomfort he'd experienced with respect to his feelings towards her three times now today? His stomach betrayed his saner self by rumbling loudly. He decided on option A.

"Hey, Lisbon," he called out to the retreating figure, now at least wrapped in a towel, "I think I will join you for dinner, if you really don't mind my company. I know it won't make it up to you, but let me treat."

"Oh, wow, Jane, big spender," she sarcastically replied; but realizing that he really hadn't intended for them to get stuck here, and that she didn't really want to eat alone, she reluctantly acquiesced, and even waited up for him. They went to their shared room, Lisbon dressing in the tiny bathroom and Jane in the main room.

Lisbon emerged from the bathroom to find Jane dressed in his usual dress pants, but with his shirt casually untucked, sleeves rolled up, and the top few buttons undone – his sole concession to the heat of the day. She had to admit to herself, the casual look on him was actually rather appealing. He turned to face her, and his eyes practically bugged out. She was wearing very stylish, but very short shorts, along with a tank top that hugged her very womanly curves and accentuated her slim build. She looked even hotter, if possible, in this getup than she did in the bikini. He gulped, realizing that the reason he found it so alluring was that this was part of her normal clothing, something she willingly chose and wore, as opposed to the bikini which was chosen only because of necessity. Oh, how he was coming to regret option A; the evening promised to be full of potential trouble.

Averting his eyes as much as was possible without impolitely ignoring his companion, he opened the door for them and ushered her outside. They walked in silence to the diner, and were shown to a quiet, relatively out-of-the way corner of the small restaurant. If Jane hadn't known better he'd have thought that the waitress was conspiring against him. He hadn't been rude or facetious when he'd been in earlier... or at least he didn't think so. He allowed Lisbon to slide into the corner booth first before sliding in beside her.

"So," Jane said, trying not to look at her slightly low-cut top – even if it wasn't showing more that just the barest hint of cleavage, it was still doing odd things to his stomach. "What do you think would be good here?"

"I don't know Jane, I don't usually eat at third-rate out-of-the-way backwoods diners, though I suspect the hamburger and fries would be safe," she responded snarkily. Jane noticed the way she was shifting in her seat and looked down at her legs, immediate regretting it. Sitting, her already short shorts were even shorter and her bare thighs were sticking to the worn vinyl of the bench. He wanted to laugh, and at the thought of _that_ he wanted to groan. He couldn't laugh at this woman... she would make him sleep on the floor.

_There's only one bed in that room._ That thought gave him pause, but he firmly pushed any thought of their sleeping arrangements out of his mind. They would burn that bridge when they came to it; he wasn't going to make an idiot of himself now by thinking about it. When the waitress came back to take their orders he made sure to flirt just a little bit more than was necessary with her – anything to take his mind off of Lisbon. _And maybe, _a small voice whispered in the back of his head, _it'll make her just a little jealous._ Jane knew it was a long shot, but a small part of him wished that he could have as much effect on her as she did on him.

Their dinners arrived quickly, cheeseburgers with heaping plates of fries and tall glasses of iced tea. They ate in relative silence. Jane didn't know why Lisbon wasn't talking much, but he was almost afraid to open his mouth and talk. What if he said something wrong? What if he actually said some of the thoughts that were running his head? They were out in the middle of nowhere; they would never find his body. It didn't help that she ate her ketchup-covered french fries in a particular seductive manner – though it was probably unconscious on her part.

When the waitress brought them the bill Jane struck up a conversation with her. "What do you do around here for fun?"

"Well, it's huntin' season, but I don't imagine you folks are in the business of killin' for sport."

"No," Lisbon said, inserting herself into the conversation.

"Well, then there's the pool out to the motel; and at night, well, if you go down to the next town 30 miles east there's a movie theater that shows movies that been out of the regular theaters for a bit."

"Anything a bit closer?" Jane asked, knowing that there would be no way they could get to the theater without a working car. Despite that, the vision of him and Lisbon alone in a theater flashed before him for a brief moment and he internally recoiled... he was desperate for something to do that would not put him alone with Lisbon in the dark. No telling what his body might want to do.

"Well, me and my boyfriend like to do a bit of star gazing. It's pretty dark here, and about a mile behind the motel there's a little clearing that dunt have any light interferin' with it. We like to go out there sometimes." _Not_ the best ideas, in fact, though he would love nothing more than to go stargazing with Lisbon... no, he wouldn't think of that, wouldn't think about Lisbon under the stars bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight.

"Earth to Jane, you still with us?" Jane's head snapped to look at Lisbon, he hadn't realized he'd been staring off into space until she caught his attention.

"Nothing, just thinking," he said, shaking his head to clear the images of Lisbon laid out beneath him with the cool night air chilling their skin. He was never going to be able to sleep with that in his head, let alone spend any time in the room with her.

"Well stop, you're going to pull something." She was joking with him; that had to mean she hadn't noticed how really truly distracting she was to him. And it meant that maybe, just perhaps, she wasn't nearly as mad at him as he'd thought.

"So what shall we do tonight? 30 mile walk to watch a movie or star gazing?" Jane wanted to reach out and grab her hand as they walked along the side of the road the short distance back to the motel, but knew that it wasn't something he would normally do, and that it would only lead to trouble, the way his mind had been working recently. Why was it that lately she was this mystical being that he just had to touch?

"We do have a TV in the room, Jane; we can go see if there are any good channels Even if it's network TV there has to be _something_ we can watch." Jane nodded, not caring if Lisbon saw him; the thought of being in the motel room with her, only one place to sit, warm room..._ okay, not thinking about that_.

They got back to the room and used the only key. The tiny air conditioner unit in the room had done little to help cut the heat, but the sun was finally going down, and with it the temperature, so there was hope that it wouldn't be too sweltering that night. Jane set about taking his shoes off and trying to get comfortable – a near impossible task with her in the room – while Lisbon turned on the TV and flipped through the slim selection of programs.

"There is literally nothing on," Lisbon said, sighing and flopping onto the bed, laying the remote beside her. "Really, the only thing that looks remotely good is one of those crappy reality talent shows, and I hate those."

Jane stopped puttering where he stood by the door and looked over at Lisbon on the bed. Her hair was splayed out behind her, and her arms were spread out, causing her shirt to pull against her chest, accentuating parts of her body that Jane had been trying to avoid looking at. Without thinking, he said "We could go back out to the pool... It's cooling off a bit and it might be nice in the hot tub." He turned and faced the window squeezing his eyes shut – did he really just ask her to go in the hot tub with him? _God I'm an idiot._

"You know, that's not a bad idea," Lisbon said, sitting up and looking at him. Jane didn't know if he should be singing praises or cursing at her agreement. She stood up and went into the bathroom to put on her suit, which was surprisingly already dry, tossing his out to him before shutting the door. Soon they were headed back out to the pool. Lisbon still felt the warmth of the day, so she decided to swim a bit more before relaxing in the hot tub.

Jane headed straight to the hot tub, making sure to turn the jets on first, knowing that he could better observe Lisbon unobtrusively from there as she climbed into the pool and began to lazily float along. The pool was empty, and Jane knew that the kids that had been with them earlier were now heading to the diner with their parents.

Jane sighed as he sank into the warm water and watched Lisbon. As she floated along, her position was reminiscent of how she'd been sprawled on the bed earlier, and he felt the same flighty feeling in his gut as he watched her slowly backstroke from one side of the pool to the other. He wondered briefly why she hadn't done her hair back. Surely it would be completely tangled in knots when she got out. But he didn't allow his thought to linger, because when they did all he could think of was what it would be like to run his fingers through her hair, wondering if it was really as soft as it looked, and whether he had completely lost his mind. _Lisbon. This is Lisbon. The _boss_ woman, the woman who would have my balls in a vice if she knew I was thinking about her like this._ He decided to just close his eyes and NOT look at her, knowing that even with his eyes closed he'd still think of her, but that it wouldn't be anywhere near as bad as when we was looking at her.

He had to do something to distract his mind from her body; it looked so firm and yet so soft at the same time. He wanted to touch it, more than just a casual brush against clothing when passing in a hallway. He wanted to place his hands on her waist, her hips; he longed to cup her ass with his hands – and oh, what a sweet little ass she had too. He'd never been a man to care for one part of a woman's body over another, but with Lisbon... he would gladly follow her into any room, as long as she was wearing those pants that hugged her just so... he groaned as he felt his body's reaction to his mental images, specifically a very particular part of his body. There was no way this was happening. Thank God for the jets and the bubbles. He opened his eyes and looked over to where Lisbon was still on her back floating along, now with her eyes closed. He should have gotten into the pool with her. If her breasts were any indication it was slightly more chilly in there than it had been the last time and he wouldn't have to be worrying about getting out of the hot tub.

He groaned and closed his eyes again. Looking at Lisbon hadn't helped matters any; if anything it had just made it worse. He was trying not to imagine what it would be like to bring her nipples to peaks using his mouth and hands, when he felt a hand brush his thigh. Opening his eyes, he jumped as Lisbon sat down beside him.

"Hey, didn't mean to startle you," Lisbon said, giving him a friendly smile.

_Why is she sitting so close?_ Jane wondered silently, grateful that he'd had the foresight to turn on the jets so that she wouldn't see the state he was in. He didn't believe in a higher power, but if he did, right about now he'd think he was being punished for convincing Lisbon to take his car today. If he had just let her use her car like she wanted to, they'd be back safely in Sacramento and he wouldn't be having all these inappropriate thoughts. Or at least, not as many.

"That's ok, Lisbon. I was just thinking about the car. Sorry about that, I really didn't plan for us to get stuck here, but, it's not a bad night." He kept his eyes open but looked up at the sky; even with lights from the motel and the local businesses he could still see more stars here than in Sacramento. "It is a rather nice night, in fact." He risked a peek at her and noticed that she too was looking up at the stars.

"It's not bad. The stars are gorgeous." Jane could hear a note of something odd in her voice. If he didn't know better he might think that she was actually relaxing in his presence. "You know, I'm still a bit pissed off at you, but I think this unintended vacation might have been just what I needed. A chance to just be away from it all, no cell phones, no e-mail, no cable TV." The last bit was said in jest and it made it made him grin.

"It _is_ nice to get away from all the pressures of the real world, isn't it?" Jane looked over at her and smiled.

"It is." The night was so peaceful and calm. He wanted to stay there with her forever. He turned towards her. The water had left her hair slicked back from her face, leaving her slender neck exposed; and her lips were just so perfect... Knowing that he was probably going to regret it later, Jane began to lean towards her; just a quick kiss couldn't be bad, could it? He could tell that she knew what he was doing, but she didn't move away. He was almost there where the clang of the gate caused them both to jump, and the kids who had been playing in the pool earlier came back in, rowdy and ready to play.

"I think I'm ready to go back inside," Lisbon said, her voice a little shaky. She placed her hand on his thigh one more time, squeezing it gently, before standing up and getting out of the pool. She stretched, cat-like; the sight of the water cascading off of her slim, well-toned body, causing her bikini to stick to her even more than it did when she was in the water, made him sadly aware of the fact that they were no longer the only ones at the pool.

"I'll just be a couple more minutes; I'm still trying to get the stiffness out of my... um... legs from all that walking we did." Not caring if she even believed his lame excuse, he watched her towel off slightly and make her way back to the room, wondering how the hell he was going to last a night with her in the same bed.

_Preview for Chapter 3__: Jane does the best he can to sleep chastely in the same bed with Lisbon, but the next day goes no better for Jane in resisting his impulses; he's not being helped by Lisbon. Their car will take some time to get fixed, so they occupy their time with a hike in the hills nearby…_


	3. Showers and Sausage and Hikes, Oh My

**Desert Interlude**

A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

**Authors Note: **We would like to apoligize for taking so long to update. Kathiann went crazy today. On the plus side she got to interview the guy who runs the coolest used book store in town. The guy has like 45,000 books at last count. She can always find something in there to buy. Lgmtreader promises to hound her more tomorrow to gat an update out in a timely manner.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

**Warning: **Rated M for a reason. Pure smut will ensue in future chapters.

**Chapter 3: Showers and Sausage and Hikes, Oh My**

Once Lisbon was safely back in the room, Jane allowed himself a fleeting thought of what she was doing on the other side of the door before he quickly got out of the hot tub and jumped into the pool, knowing the kids wouldn't matter, and using the chilly water as the next best thing to an ice-cold shower. He didn't know what he would do if he went into that room and her pajamas were something tiny, shorts and a tank top, or worse, just a t-shirt. He groaned, he didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to think about the fact that there were no pajamas in his bag. Sure he usually wore pajamas when it was cold, but when it was summer and this hot he never did, he slept in his boxers. Not a problem before now. Maybe he could just sleep in his dress pants. _Would that be odd?_

He knocked on the door and waited for Lisbon to open it. He managed to bite back a groan; she was clad in shorts and a tank top, if you could call those shorts. _I think she's trying to kill me._ He grabbed his bag and headed into the bathroom, taking a quick-cold-shower and getting dressed in his extra change of pants; in his befuddled state, he didn't even think to slip on an undershirt.

"You wear your pants to bed?" Lisbon asked, incredulously. She was already on the bed, no covers, just laying on top watching the local news.

"No, I didn't bring pajamas with me, so I thought I'd wear this." He sat on the opposite edge of the bed, as far away from her as he could and still be on the bed.

"Seriously Jane, what, don't you trust me?" Lisbon looked over at him and grinned.

_It's not you I don't trust,_ Jane thought, but out loud he said, "No, I trust you, I just didn't want you thinking I was going to try something."

"I'd never think that about you, Jane." She went back to watching the TV and Jane tried not to let his disappointment show on his face. Maybe he'd misread the situation in the hot tub, the gentle touches, the almost kiss. He was such an idiot. He laid down on the bed, on his side with his back to her, as far as he could get from her without falling off the bed. He pulled back the comforter and slid under the sheets, wanting to put barriers between him and Lisbon. He was still embarrassed, even if Lisbon didn't know. He closed his eyes, but didn't sleep, an act similar to the one he put on at the CBI on a regular basis. He knew that she wasn't always convinced, but hoped that tonight she would just let it be.

He didn't know when it happened, but he really had fallen asleep. He knew, because now he was awake. He knew it was early; he didn't want to open his eyes, but there was light coming from somewhere. He sighed and shifted slightly in the bed, only then noticing that he must have fallen asleep much earlier than he'd realized, and then rolled over to face Lisbon in his sleep. Lisbon had joined him under the sheet and was pressed up against him, her tight little ass pressed up against his groin. He had the distinct impression that this was very bad for some reason, but couldn't figure out why as he took a deep breath and could smell the scent that was distinctively Lisbon, the cinnamon and vanilla. And then she turned slightly and pressed up even closer against his front, and he remembered why it was a bad thing that Lisbon was in his arms this early in the morning. It might have been a while since he'd been with a woman, but he still had a morning erection like most men do.

Fleeing the bed quickly in abject fear, without regard to whether his bed-partner awoke or not, he rushed into the bathroom for yet another cold shower. _Concentrate, Patrick. Think of _anything_ but her. Snakes. Yeah. Lots of snakes in the canyons. Snakes that look like... oh damn, this shower _isn't_ doing the trick! _He groaned to himself as his own snake-like appendage waved happily in defiance of his attempt to calm it with the frigid water.

"Jane! Don't use up all the hot water! You know how tiny the water heaters in these old places can be!" Now he was trapped between a soft place and a hard-on. He should have stayed with the car. But that was no good either; thinking of the car only brought up images of him and Lisbon and what he'd do with her if he had her there, in his back seat like they were a couple of kids on their first date to the local make-out spot.

"I'll be out soon," he called reluctantly. He turned off the useless cold water, quickly dried off, then pulled the towel tightly around his middle, willing the recalcitrant body part to just shut up and go away. He scooted past Lisbon and headed over to his bag, keeping his back to her so that she couldn't see anything that could still be seen. "It's all yours, Lisbon. I think there still should be plenty of hot water left," he said, _seeing as I didn't use _any... She bemusedly went into the bathroom, leaving him in privacy to get dressed.

Jane dressed slowly but deliberately, finally getting himself, all of himself, under control at last. He sat down on the bed, leaned against the headboard, and rubbed his temples. It had been a close call, but he'd survived. Suddenly, the bathroom door opened, and he looked up at it. Lisbon strode out of the bathroom, wrapped only in her very skimpy towel. "I left my clothes out here. Close your eyes and don't look while I get dressed!" she told him mischievously.

And just like that, he was completely undone. Again. She had such power over him and didn't even know it. He turned on his side away from her, ostensibly to make it clear he was not looking at her as she dressed, but really to unobtrusively hide a certain misbehaving body part from her.

"We've got to go over and talk to the mechanic, see if the tow truck driver can get your car picked up early so that he can get started on figuring out what the heck is wrong with it." He needed to answer, needed to say _OK_ but couldn't get his mind to communicate with his mouth. He settled for nodding and hoped that she, standing there naked just a few feet from him with nothing but his eyelids to block the sight, would see it. With much willpower, he slowly but surely backed his wild animal back into its cage. Again. Hopefully this time it would stay put.

"Man of few words this morning, are you?" Lisbon asked, the same teasing tone from earlier still in her voice. "Shall we do breakfast first or do you want to talk to the mechanic?"

_Multiple choice, never my favorite type of test, no chance to talk myself out of a wrong answer. Of course, that would mean I'd have to talk now._ Jane finally managed to get his mouth to open and he answered in a strangled voice, "I don't even know what time it is, but I'm guessing the mechanic isn't open yet, so breakfast by all means."

"It's early." Her voice was slightly muffled, and Jane guessed that she was pulling a shirt on over her head. "I'm done, you can open your eyes." Oh, he didn't know if that was a good idea. After what she had worn the day before, and then her in the towel... he didn't know if his mind could take much more of that punishment. He slowly returned to sitting up, and opened his eyes.

And it was worse than he expected. _How many casual outfits does the woman pack for a case?_ he wondered before taking in the full sight of her. Today's outfit consisted of a pair of tiny denim shorts and a white spaghetti strap tank top. She even had a pair of sandals to wear. He of course was dressed in his modified suit: dress pants and button-down shirt, untucked and slightly unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up. It had never even occurred to him before to pack casual clothes for a work trip, and now he was beginning to regret it.

"Say, did you see any men's clothes at that general store yesterday? I could really use something else other than my work clothes to wear." He tried to keep his tone as light as hers was. Her mood was improved 100% since the day before, and he didn't want to do anything to spoil it.

"I think I did, but there's no guarantee any of it will fit you. Just look at your swim suit; it's a size too big," _damn, she'd noticed_ "and looks like it walked out of the 80s." The lilt to her voice was music to his ears; it wasn't often that she used that tone of voice, but when she did he was always in for a good day. He sat at the end of the bed to put his shoes on and looked through the bathroom doorway to where she was putting her hair up in a ponytail. Her neck, the very distraction from the night before, was on full display, as was her back end, causing him to shift uncomfortably. If he didn't stop looking soon he wouldn't be able to join her for breakfast. "Do you even know what you do to me?" he mumbled, realizing too late that he'd spoken his thoughts out loud.

"What was that, Jane?" Lisbon asked, turning to face him.

"Nothing, just nothing." Lisbon didn't look like she believed him, but by some small miracle she let the matter drop. They walked out of the motel room together, checking to make sure one of them had the key. Noticing that the mechanic was indeed open this early, they decided to go there first after all, and headed across the highway to the garage. It didn't take long for them to confirm that the tow truck driver would indeed be in today and that he would be able to pick up Jane's car. The mechanic was positive that he could get whatever the problem was fixed that day, unless the car needed a new part, in which case it would be another day at least.

Breakfast was at a table this time and not a corner booth, so Jane was able to sit across from Lisbon and not have to worry about touching her. They looked at the surprisingly vast array of breakfast foods offered by the diner, everything from pancakes to French toast. There was even an apparently local specialty that Jane couldn't pronounce the name of; the description was rather vague, though it sounded like something that the buzzards in the desert might bring home for dinner. Eventually they each decided to go with something known, and pancakes are always safe; Lisbon chose blueberry pancakes and sausage, and Jane went with buttermilk pancakes, hash browns, and orange juice. They chatted idly until their food came and then dug in, both hungry. Jane knew that his hunger was caused by his overactive imagination and his inability to control certain body parts. Jane couldn't fathom why Lisbon was so hungry. Everything was going along great until he felt a gentle pressure on the side of his leg. Stopping mid-chew, he processed what he was feeling... was Lisbon really playing footsies with him?

Not wanting to draw attention to it in case she just thought his leg was the table leg, he slowly slid his feet back, and hers followed. Now he _really_ didn't know what to do. It was just her foot touching his leg through the fabric of his pants. Silently he wished that they really were in a booth, because then he could... he could what? Return her touch, place his hands on her thighs? No, that wouldn't work. Best to just pretend that Lisbon _wasn't_ touching him at all. Yes, that would be the thing to do.

"So, Lisbon," Jane managed to choke out as he finished the last bite of bacon, "what did you have in mind for the day?" He looked up at her to see her savoring a sausage link in a way that should be illegal in front of any red-blooded heterosexual male.

"I talked a bit with some of the locals yesterday, and found out that there are some nice trails nearby. I thought I might go hiking a bit before it gets too warm. You can join me if you want." Jane couldn't be sure, but he thought there was a note of uncertainty in her voice, she wasn't... nervous, was she? No, there was no way that the unflappable Teresa Lisbon was nervous about going on a hike in the middle of nowhere with him. It just wasn't possible.

"A hike, sounds great." Jane said, trying not to look at the way she was eating her food. Sure, it wasn't _meant_ to be provocative, but the way she moved her mouth... The waitress came and left the check on the table and both Lisbon and Jane reached for it at the same time, their hands brushing. The jolt of pure desire that went through him at such a simple touch almost had him backing out of their plans for the morning, but he didn't know when the next opportunity he would have to spend with Lisbon, just relaxing and being the carefree woman he always knew was inside, so he stuck with it. "I'll get breakfast."

"Are you sure? I know I made you pay for dinner." She still hadn't moved her hand from where it was lying on top of his on the check and he was having a hard time concentrating.

"Yeah, I'm sure. It'll be fine. Like you said last night, I'm the reason we're in this mess. The least I can do is pay for the food." _Be nice, be nice and she'll never know that right now you'd like to apologize by taking her back to the motel room and laying her out on that bed like a feast._

"Ok, sure, if you say so." She finally moved her hand. To Jane it seemed that she was deliberately caressing the back of his hand with her fingers as she drew them away.

They went over to the small general store to get bottles of water and sunscreen; unfortunately, there were no appropriate clothes for Jane for hiking, not that he'd seen anyway. He'd been much too busy following Lisbon around the store and had rebuffed her efforts to help him look. "Hey, Jane," Lisbon asked as the stood just outside the store, water bottles, sunscreen and a small bag with lunch in hand, "Could you get my shoulders for me? I don't want to get burned to a crisp."

"Ok." Jane said, his voice surprisingly even. He took the proffered bottle and squeezed a small bit of the white lotion onto his hands. _I can do this, just rub the lotion into her skin, it's not that hard._ He gently touched her shoulders, sliding on the sunscreen and working it into her shoulders, neck, and back, sliding his hands under the straps of her top to make sure that all her skin was protected. He tried not to imagine what it would be like to slide the straps off her shoulders, to bend down and kiss that milky skin, to caress her, to hear her moan beneath him... he shook his head and removed his hand. "All done."

"Thanks Jane. I always manage to miss a spot when I do it myself." She took the lotion bottle from him and applied some to her face. "You should really use some, you're almost as pale as I am. I'd hate for you to turn into a lobster." He just nodded, taking the lotion and putting it on his face and neck.

"You missed a spot, Jane." Lisbon said, reaching up and rubbing a stop on his cheek gently. He wanted to melt into a puddle right there. It was one thing him touching her, but another thing entirely when she touched him deliberately. He really didn't trust himself to talk. They made one last stop at the motel for Lisbon to exchange her sandals for something better suited to hiking and to make sure no valuables were in sight, before heading off to the small trailhead just behind the diner.

The way was steep, going up the side of the canyon, and Jane struggled to keep up with Lisbon's brisk pace. She really was going to be the death of him. What had possessed him to agree to walk with her? He had assumed that yesterday's speed was based on her anger and frustration, but today she wasn't either and she still managed to walk at a pace that he would have to call a run.

They came to the top of a small rise that looked out over the canyons; the view from up here was incredibly beautiful. There was a slight breeze this high up and Jane stood facing it, allowing it to cool his sweat-drenched body. "I think it's a bit more humid today than it was yesterday." He sat lightly on top of a rock and put down the bag he had been carrying, pulling out a sandwich for himself and offering one to Lisbon.

"Yeah, probably due to the storm that's coming, I saw it on the news last night." Lisbon moved to sit next to him and took a swig of water before grabbing the sandwich. "Look, you can see the motel."

"Yeah, and the pool. Man, that would feel good right about now," he said, thinking of her in that bikini. He held back a sigh and took another bite of his peanut butter and raspberry sandwich. Who would have figured that they would sell sandwiches like this in that little store. The clerk had said it was because the parents of some of the kids who stopped didn't want to go to the diner, and didn't want to waste a whole loaf of bread on just a sandwich or two.

"I like getting a bit of physical exercise before a release like relaxing in the pool." Jane looked over at her; she was really beautiful. He felt the words rising in his mind to say and bit them back down. The last thing he wanted was to take the quick way down the mountain.

"It really is a beautiful view." That would have to suffice.

"Yeah." They sat there for a few more minutes finishing their sandwiches before Jane finally got up the nerve, _to hell with it all_, he was going to go for it. "Lisbon, I've been meaning to tell you... or rather, I've been thinking..." He stalled, how to say what he was thinking?

"I know, Jane. Me too." She turned to face him and placed a hand on his arm. He looked in her eyes and saw something that could only be described as lust floating up near the surface. He leaned in, much as he had in the pool, and smiled slightly as Lisbon reached up to meet him. He was just bringing his lips to hers – he could almost smell the peanut butter on her breath – when he felt the first drops fall. Willing it to just be his imagination he drew back slightly and looked around. Just as he looked up, the clouds that had been on the horizon when they started out opened up with a downpour that drenched them in seconds.

Lisbon threw Jane a playful look and shouted through the noise of the hard rain. "Better head back, we don't want to get caught up here if all this rain washes the path out!" Jane just stared after her. She probably didn't even realize it, but her white tank top had grown translucent in the downpour and left very little to the imagination – not that Jane had really needed help in that department.

"First one back to the room gets first dibs on the shower!" Lisbon called, already on her way back down the trail. Jane shook himself and began to follow, trying not to think about what he would do with her if they both got back to the room at the same time, and idly wondered if the shower was big enough for both of them.

_Preview for Chapter 4__: Jane gets muddy getting down the hill, and somehow he's got to get clean…_


	4. Slippery When Wet

**Red Desert  
**

A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

**Disclaimer: **We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

**Warning: **RatedM for a reason. Pure smut will ensue nowish.

**Chapter 4: Slippery When Wet**

Jane hobbled up to the motel room. He'd slipped and fallen several times on the slippery path down to the town, and was covered with mud both front and back. He'd have bruises in the morning. He landed on his rear yet again in the last three feet of the path; after Lisbon had checked to make sure that he wasn't seriously injured, she had taken off laughing in a run down the street. It wasn't fair, really. Practical Lisbon; of course _she_ would have footwear that would double well for hiking. In hindsight, wearing his old brown dress shoes hiking probably hadn't been the best idea. He sighed as he realized that Lisbon had been the one with the key, and wondered how he was going to get back into the room. He tried the handle on the off chance that the self-locking door had failed to do that, but no such luck. He knocked on the door, hoping that Lisbon would hear him, take pity on him, and let him in.

He was just raising his fist to knock again when the door opened, causing Jane to fall forward slightly and right onto Lisbon, still dripping from her quick shower. They both stumbled and ended up in a tangled mess on the floor of the room, Jane resting on top of Lisbon, his hands pinning her on either side. She was slightly out of breath from the fall, and he found her panting the most adorable thing. Only when he had calmed his own breathing did he realize that she was laying under him in only a towel – a towel that was less than modestly wrapped around her, now that they had stumbled, and was showing more than she realized. He felt the overwhelming need to kiss her, and before he could talk himself out of it he did just that, bringing his lips down on hers with a gentle force.

Her kiss was so intoxicating that he didn't even realize that the door was still open behind him. He moved his lips across hers, gently flicking his tongue out to taste her fresh-from-the-shower lips, and shuddered as she opened her mouth for him, allowing his tongue access to it. He let his hands move from the floor to her body, one finding its way into her hair, the other to her face and down to her neck. He was just brushing his hand along her shoulder when Lisbon pushed him off of her.

"What?" he asked, his voice hoarse with raw need.

She chuckled. "The door, Jane, it's still open." He sat up slightly and looked over his shoulder to see that the door was indeed still open. He reached back quickly and slammed it with more force than he intended before turning back to the woman below him on the floor.

"You are amazing, you know that? For the past couple days, every time I looked at you all I wanted to do was kiss you, touch you." He stayed where he was, kneeling over her body, taking in the sight of her below him.

"Then why don't you?" She asked, pushing slightly to get him to stand and following him, her towel falling away, leaving her naked, and still quite damp from her shower, in front of him.

"Why don't I what?" he asked, not able to focus on the conversation, seeing her nude before him for the first time.

"Kiss me." She took a step to close the distance between them; putting her hand up behind his head and pulling it gently towards her, she brought his lips to meet hers in a kiss that held more desire than before, more naked want and need.

Their bodies melted into each other's as one as they hungrily explored each other's mouth, face, and neck, bodies rubbing against each other. Huskily, she whispered, "I think you have too much clothing on," but as she pulled away, she burst out laughing.

"WHAT?" he exclaimed, confused.

"Oh, Jane, you're so muddy from your fall that now you've gotten me dirty again! Naughty Jane! Now we are BOTH going to have to shower off!" Giving him a playful swat, she teasingly walked back into the bathroom, throwing a seductive come-hither look his way before disappearing into the small room.

All of Jane's brain functions having moved south for the duration, he quickly followed, kicking off his shoes on the way. When he entered the bathroom, she ambushed him and removed his clothing, unbuttoning his shirt quickly and letting him fling it off as she unzipped and pulled down his pants and boxers. He stepped out of them and they collapsed together again, transferring mud back to his naked body as they resumed their passionate lip-lock. He groaned as he kissed her lips hungrily, quickly gaining entrance to her mouth, thrusting his tongue in to find her tongue a ready dueling partner. He let his hands roam her body, feeling the softness of it, something he never thought he'd be able to experience.

"We're covered in mud, Jane," Lisbon reminded him gently, breaking the kiss and bringing her lips to his chest. He saw the wisdom of her words, and backed her slowly toward the shower, which, unusually for a motel of that vintage, was spacious enough for the two of them together. They broke apart only long enough to step carefully into the over-sized tub and pull the shower curtain closed. Reaching around her, he turned on the water, still warm from her recent cleansing. He put out his hand again, finding a bar of soap, and stepped back to admire the beautiful woman before him. The water cascading over her body... _Who knew that water could be so heavenly?_

He didn't even realize he'd been staring, until Lisbon broke his reverie. "Are you going to just stand there all day or are you going to help me get this mud off?"

She poured a generous amount of her body wash into her hand and started applying it to his eagerly awaiting body, taking extra care to make sure that his most important body part was very, very clean. He began rubbing the soap slowly and sensuously over every inch of hers, paying extra attention to her gorgeous and perfectly-sized breasts and nipples. Soon they were quite lathered up, and by unspoken mutual agreement, he dropped the soap and once again they intertwined their bodies, reveling in the new sensation of slippery bodies sliding against each other as only wet and lathered bodies can. Their hands and lips explored every surface of the other. Eventually the water rinsed away most of the soap; she kissed the trail of water that was working its way down the thin layer of chest hair there, then he reciprocated by kissing her, starting at the pulse point on her neck and working his way down to each breast in turn – giving each their proper attention – before they lathered each other again with her heavenly cinnamon-scented body wash, and resumed the full-body contact. The incredible sensation of her taut breasts pressed against his chest and his erection pressed against her stomach caused them both to moan and their mutual excitement to grow. He cupped his hands around her tight buns – oh, so soft yet so lusciously firm! the perfect advertisement for Buns of Steel – as she moved her hands all over his perfectly-muscled, manly back. He moved one hand around and down between her legs and started to explore her there, as she grabbed his erection and slowly massaged it up and down.

Small moans of extreme pleasure could be heard from each. Breathing became more uneven, rapid, ragged. And then the water suddenly became freezing cold.

_Preview for Chapter 5__: More interruptions, and then they try to have a normalish afternoon and evening…_


	5. Where's the Fire?

**Red Desert  
**

A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

**Authors Note: **Sorry about the water, we just couldn't help it, it was too much fun. Lgmtreader would like to say that she's working on doing a shortened version of this story from Lisbon's POV that will be posted shortly, keep an eye out for it.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

**Warning: **Rated M for a reason. Pure smut will ensue in future chapters.

**Chapter 5: Where's the Fire?**

A quick look in each other's darkened eyes and an agreement was quickly reached. They rinsed as quickly as possible in the frigid water, and, grabbing clean towels (housekeeping had apparently been by while they were hiking, leaving more than enough towels, thankfully), they stepped out of the shower and dried each other off, slowly, sensuously. He then took her hand; pulling her out to the bed, he lay her gently down on it. He began to kiss her, starting with soft gentle kisses on her lips, moving down her neck to her shoulder. He was making his way down to her breast and had just taken one of her nipples into his mouth when a sharp, piercing klaxon tore through the silence.

"What the hell is that?" Jane asked, knowing, but not wanting to believe.

"Fire alarm," Lisbon said, clearly as frustrated as he was. "Get up, we need to get dressed in a hurry." Jane reluctantly moved off of her, immediately missing the feel of her body against his.

"My shoes are all wet," he mumbled, willing his overactive hormones to settle for however long it was going to take for the building to be cleared and them to be allowed back into their room. He could not believe that they had gotten so close and that they STILL hadn't been able to find relief. They dressed quickly, Jane begrudging putting on his sweaty clothes from the day before – they were horrid, but better than the muddy ones – and his wet shoes, and they hurried out of the room. Lisbon was in her same casual outfit from the day before, but as she dressed Jane couldn't help but notice that there were clothes in her bag that he _hadn't _seen.

They made their way outside, where they went to stand by the clerk from the day before to ask her what was going on. "Someone pulled the fire alarm," she said, a note of disdain in her voice. "I bet it was those kids. Their parents haven't been watching them at all. Still, I can't let you back into your room until after the fire department clears the alarm. You never know, there might really be a fire."

"How long is that going to take?" Lisbon asked, a note of despair in her voice.

"We'll they're all volunteers, and they have to come form the next town, so..." She let the end of the sentence hang and Lisbon turned away to face Jane again, walking a bit away from the clerk to give them some semblance of privacy on the street.

_Why does this keep happening, _Jane thought, _it just wasn't fair. We'd gotten so close... _"You know, Lisbon-"

"Teresa," Lisbon said, cutting him off.

"What?"

"_Patrick,_" she said, emphasizing his first name, "if those kids hadn't pulled the fire alarm, I've a feeling that we would be doing something entirely different than standing here fully clothed. In fact, we'd probably be doing the horizontal mambo right about now, so, I think we really should be on a first name basis by this point."

Jane smiled; yeah, there's no way that he'd be standing on the street in dirty, sweaty clothes had the fire alarm not gone off. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be doing much of any standing. Unless they made it back to the shower. That had been fun. He thought about what he could do, the next time they were in the shower... together, how he would touch her, drive her mad.

"Patrick!" Her voice startled him and he jumped slightly.

"Sorry, _Teresa_," he said, emphasizing her first name, and enjoying the sound of it, "I was just thinking about how nice a shower would be about now." He grinned wickedly and Lisbon grinned back, blushing slightly.

"Right. So, mechanic? And then what? Now that it's stopped raining it's heating up again, and we can't go back to the room to get our swimsuits – not that they'd let us in the pool right now anyway."

"Well, we never did look earlier to see if I could get some clothes from the general store. Even if they were a bit big they'd have to be better than these right now."

"Yeah, you're really starting to smell ripe, no one would ever guess that you just got out of the shower." Her tone was good-natured but he still pretended to act hurt as he watched her jog across the highway to the gas station. Of course, the view wasn't bad, so that might have been some of the motivation to let her go first. As with the day before, by the time he got to the shop Lisbon was already talking to the mechanic.

"...an hour, but I don't know if you'd want to head out then," he was saying as Jane came in the door. Lisbon turned to look at him and smiled.

"Good news. Russ here says that your car will be done in about an hour." Jane stopped; sure it was good that the car was going to be fixed, but he really didn't want to go home at this point. He wanted to stay here with Lisbon and finally finish what they'd been trying to start.

"I guess I don't need to get those clothes after all," he said, slightly disappointed.

"Says who? I still have to be with you, and we still have a 6-hour drive back to Sacramento. I don't want to do that tonight. Maybe we can find something to do tonight that's a bit closer to here, especially since your car's going to be fixed soon." They left the shop as they were talking, leaving the mechanic standing in the car bay and shaking his head at them.

"There _is_ that movie theater over in the next town." Lisbon had a mischievous look in her eyes that Jane couldn't quite identify, and it made him nervous, but he kept talking. "They only show third run movies, ones that are getting ready to come out on DVD."

"When was the last time either one of us went to the movies? Or rented one or bought one that was less than three years old?" Lisbon asked as she opened the door to the general store and let Jane enter before her.

"Speak for yourself," Jane teased, "the last movie I bought was only two years old." He chuckled slightly at her incredulous look as they headed towards the small selection of men's clothing.

"Hey Patrick, how about these?" Lisbon held up a pair of loud Bermuda shorts that were at least three sizes too big.

"If I look like I could even pretend to fit in those I really need to be cutting back on the milk in my tea," Jane said in mock horror, looking through a selection of t-shirts that all had sayings on them ranging from 'If hunting is a sport... then I'm an athlete.' to 'Multiple Orgasm Donor' to 'Tastes Like Chicken', and even one that simply said California on it, though it was a few sizes too small. He finally settled on the least offensive t-shirt in his size that simply said 'I know a guy...' before turning to Lisbon to see if she'd had any luck with finding him a pair of shorts.

"Here's something that looks like it'll work for you, Patrick," she said, holding up two pairs of light wash mock denim shorts with elastic waists. "What I want to know is why you didn't get a pair earlier? Before we went on the hike." She handed him the shorts and began rifling through a bin marked 'Only $5' and full to the brim in flip-flops of all shapes and sizes. Jane came up behind her and put an arm around her waist, pulling her to him.

"I was too busy following you around and staring at your ass." His breath was in her ear, barely loud enough to be heard, but she still shivered in response. He let her go after a quick kiss on her neck. There would be plenty of time for that later; right now he needed to buy the clothes and get changed, he was starting to smell himself. He paid for the clothes, and borrowed the bathroom at the store to change in. Lisbon had found him a pair of plain black rubber flip-flops to wear and his shoes went into the bag with his dirty clothes.

"I wonder if the hotel has been cleared yet? That way I can get rid of this stuff." Jane gestured to the bag he was holding as they walked out of the store.

"Judging by the number of people and the fire truck still over there, I'd say no, they haven't cleared it yet," Lisbon said as they walked back to the mechanic.

They took their time, not knowing if the car would be done or not, not knowing if they wanted the car to be done. By pretending that they didn't have to leave, they could live in this bubble of happiness for longer, and they were both fine with that. When they got to the shop Jane's car was indeed done being worked on, and after squaring up the bill, Jane tossed the bag with his dirty clothes into the back seat and they headed on their way to the next town 30 miles away.

For dinner they ate at a Mexican restaurant that had decent food and strong margaritas, then walked to the movie theater a block away because neither was in the state to drive. The theater had taken a break from its regular run of third run movies and was showing a romantic comedy marathon, something that both of them thought was just perfect for the occasion, though neither said anything about it. They got popcorn and drinks, even though they had just eaten, in an unspoken agreement to try to keep things sane between them while in public. The soft touches and subtle glances through dinner had almost driven them both mad and they wanted a chance to try to decompress.

They had their choice of several movies, classics such as _Funny Girl_ and _Roxanne,_ as well as newer ones like _Sleepless in Seattle_ and _My Big Fat Greek Wedding_ as well as one movie that neither of them had seen, _Something New_. They decided to watch the last one, not knowing what it was about; they both hoped that they could control themselves long enough to sit through the whole movie.

_Preview for Chapter 6__: Movie night for Jane and Lisbon _:)


	6. And Now for Something New

**Red Desert**

A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

**Authors Note: **So, we decided that we were going to get Lisbon's view of this little story done before posting this chapter. And it is. "Red Desert: Lisbon's Report" was posted by lgmtreader just a bit ago, so go check it out. kathiann's read it, and while it's differnt from this, trust me, it's worth the read.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

**Warning: **Rated M for a reason. Pure smut will ensue...now.

**Chapter 6 And Now for Something New**

They went into the theater, surprised to see that despite the age and location, it had recently been renovated into a stadium style seating theater, compete with tiered seating and extra wide seats, and armrests that could be raised. There were a few other people scattered about, but no one was in or near the back row. Jane felt an excitement that could only be compared to that of a horny teenager on his first solo date to a movie. They found their way to seats in the far back corner of the theater, under a light that didn't seem to be working, and sat down, Lisbon to the left of Jane.

Finally the lights were dimmed. The movie, "Something New", started simply enough, following the life of a successful female professional who just bought a house that was in need of some major landscaping, and the landscaper she found to do the work. It looked like it was going to be a pretty good movie; both the leads were excellent actors and hot to boot; Lisbon thought the male lead reminded her of someone, but she couldn't quite place it. Jane held the popcorn and Lisbon occasionally brushed her hand against his; if asked she would say it wasn't planned, but they both knew better.

The tension between the two characters on the screen was building when Lisbon placed her hand on Jane's leg to give him a gentle squeeze. Nothing sexual or sensual about it; just a friendly touch on the thigh. Jane, not wanting to be left out, responded with a soft touch of his own, running his left hand up and down her inner thigh, coming tantalizingly close to the hemline of her short shorts. As the movie characters shared their first kiss, Jane reached over and grabbed Lisbon's right hand, bringing her fingers up to his mouth to give them a gentle kiss before allowing her to tug his hand back into her lap. Jane resumed his soft teasing, ghosting his fingers over the crotch of her shorts, sliding his hand under the hem to feel the warm skin of her inner thigh.

As the characters on the screen became even more intimate for the first time he drifted his hand up to the waist of her shorts, slowly releasing the button and sliding down the zipper before going back to his soft gentle touches on the outside of her clothes. Groaning in anticipation, Lisbon firmly placed a hand over his, stopping his slow torturous movement. Guiding his hand she led it to the open fly of her shorts, and inside to touch her bare skin just above her panties. Over her underwear, he began slowly rubbing a single finger over her throbbing and hot center. As Jane did this, she let her right hand drift over to his lap, feeling the bulge in his shorts, and rubbing it gently, over the fabric, periodically giving his growing erection a gentle squeeze.

But they still were aware of their surroundings... the effort to remain silent and not look to anyone else like they were doing anything made what they were doing to each other both more erotic and also that much more exciting.

Determined to keep himself under control despite such distraction, he looked quickly around the theater and noticed that they were one of only three couples. Knowing that no one would notice, he shifted slightly, removing her hand from his lap, raising the armrest between them, and bringing her to sit between his legs, his erection now pressing up against her back. He slid one hand up under her shirt, skimming over her stomach and causing her to shiver against him; he palmed her left breast and brought his mouth down next to her ear. "Do you know what I would do to you right now if we were in the motel room?"

She could only shake her head as he brought his mouth to her neck, kissing where her shoulder met her neck and nipping slightly. The hand in her pants stayed almost stubbornly still, while the hand on her breast started to massage it. He brought his mouth back to her ear and began to talk again, his voice low and gravelly, heavy with want.

"I would take this off," he pushed her bra up so that her breasts both fell free. "Then I would take my mouth and suckle your nipples, first one, then the other." As he said this he flicked his thumb over first her right, then her left nipple. He did it over and over again, switching back and forth until they were hard peaks and she was having to struggle not to move against _his_ still unmoving hand at her center.

"Then, I would kiss your stomach," his previously unmoving hand moved up to her stomach while his hand on her breasts kept up their work, massaging and tweaking and at one point rubbing one of her nipples between his thumb and finger. "Then I would tease you with my tongue."

At this point the hand on her stomach moved below her panties to feel her, wet and waiting. He trailed a finger down her folds, just over the top, not reaching between, much in the way he would do with his tongue if he had her some place private or secluded.

"And then my tongue would touch you again and again, getting close to your clit the whole time, but not quite reaching it." He slowly drew his finger through her folds this time, just grazing over her center and close to, but not touching, her clit. He repeated this motion several times more, each time getting closer and closer to his ultimate goal.

"Finally, I'd stick my tongue inside," his fingers followed his verbal cues, sliding one into her, quickly bending his head to meet her mouth and smother her quiet gasp, "slowly driving you mad before I finally touched you just where you wanted it."

He knew she was struggling to maintain control and decided to see how far he could take her before she either succumbed or forced him to stop. He slowly ratcheted up the movements of his fingers against her damp inner core; one set of fingers sliding in and out, and the other caressing her sensitive nub. Lisbon rose to the occasion, her body responding subtly but surely, in ways only he could notice; her breathing became shallow, and she moved her hips against his erection ever so slightly, increasing the sensation for both of them. Finally, just as the man and woman on the screen were making up and kissing again, her body clenched and shuddered in a welcome release. And yet she had still maintained enough control to not let out a peep. He gradually slowed his movements as the waves of her orgasm died away; removing his hands finally, he let her zip up her pants and slide back over to her seat, just before the lights of the theater came up. "So, I was thinking that we should go back to the motel now," Jane managed to say in a normal voice, despite his still obvious excitement.

"You know," Lisbon said, standing and turning towards him, "I think that might be a very good idea." She leaned down and gave him a searing kiss before sauntering away, leaving Jane to attempt to calm his anatomy and follow.

Sure, he had not had a release of his own yet, and he desperately wanted one, but he also was extremely turned on by her silent yet eloquent orgasm. No matter. The hotel was waiting for them for that. Or his car… if they wound up unable to contain themselves, like a pair of hormonal teenagers.

_Preview for Chapter 7__: Can they make it back to the motel?_

**Authors Note: **By the way, in case you didn't recognize it, _Something New_ is a really sweet romantic comedy starring none other than our dear Simon Baker, and lgmtreader and kathiann both heartily recommend it :)


	7. Baby You Can Drive My Car

**Red Desert**

A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

**Authors Note: **Just a reminder to check out lgmtreader's, or rather, Lisbon's version of this little tale posted by lgmtreader. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews for the last chapter, they made us smile.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

**Warning: **Rated M for a reason. Pure smut will ensue.

**Chapter 7 Baby You Can Drive My Car**

The ride back to the motel was much longer than either of them remembered. "Jane, are you sure you're going the right way?"

"Yes, I'm sure." They both were feeling the excitement and frustration of so many near misses and close calls, and just wanted to find their private spot as soon as humanly possible.

Lisbon was not helping any as she slid her hand over to his lap again, picking up where she'd left off in the theater... after all, he'd gotten to have his fun with her (and she'd gotten to have her fun!); she wanted to ahem return the favor. She began with an oh-so-gentle rubbing through his shorts of his quickly-revived erection, quickly morphing that into squeezes... wanting to up the ante, she then found the waistband of his shorts and quickly slipped her hand underneath. One layer of cloth down. She resumed her actions, and could feel his whole body reacting.

Jane was being driven wild. Now he **really** needed to concentrate on the road, and that minx was making that nearly impossible! As he drove, he desperately looked off each side of the road for any kind of pull-off spot that would afford at least the minimal modicum of privacy. At this rate, he was fairly certain he would NOT make it back to the motel; if she succeeded in what she was teasing at, they would have an accident for sure.

Finally, he saw something that just might do – a deserted rest stop with a large but unlit parking lot. He pulled off quickly and drove to the far corner of the lot, then turned to Lisbon with a gleam in his eyes.

"So, vixen, are you willing to complete what you've started?"

"What **I** started?" Lisbon laughed at him slightly, leaning over the center of the car towards him, her hand still below the waistband of his shorts. "I do believe it was you that was undressing me with your eyes and attempting to kiss me first."

"That's not what I was talking about and you know it," he growled out as she brought her lips to his in a searing kiss. While her lips were moving over his and their tongues playing together, her hand was busy at work, having moved beneath his boxers to feel his erection in the flesh, first cupping his hard-on and giving slight pressure, then moving south to do the same to his balls. She pushed the band of his shorts and boxers down as he raised his hips to allow her to push them down past his ass. She grasped his rock-hard penis with her hand again and milked it up and down. She did that for a couple minutes before smearing some of his pre-cum that was now seeping out onto her hand to make it more slippery, thus making her resumed actions on his erection even more scintillating. She paid especial attention to the glans area, making small swirling motions with her thumb.

Jane was attempting not to come apart right then, wanting the sensation of her touching him to last as long as possible. He reached to the side of the seat, pulling the lever that pushed the driver's seat back from the steering wheel, and then the lever to lower the back of the seat so that Lisbon had more room to maneuver over him.

"WHOA!" Lisbon called, roughly breaking the kiss when his seat leaned back. "Got to warn me when you move around like that, it could have been hazardous."

"Just getting a bit more room," Jane said, smiling a little nervous smile as she shifted in her seat, rearranging it to match his and sitting sideways. She leaned over to face him as much as she could in the cramped conditions of his car.

"You know, Patrick, if we were being entirely fair, I would be telling you exactly what I'm going to do to you right now." She saw him swallow as her hand remained on him. "The question is, could you handle me telling you that I want to lick you, and suck on you, and make you scream like a little girl."

"I would love to have you make me scream like a little girl," he managed to squeak out, trying not to buck his hips against her unmoving hand.

He almost groaned at the loss when she removed her hand and slid both of them under his shirt, touching his chest softly and slightly causing him to shiver. She shifted again in her seat, kneeling slightly, so that she was right above him. She reached down and fingered his balls, placing gentle pressure on them, not enough to cause him pain, but just enough to elicit a soft moan from him.

She circled her other hand around the base of his erection, just looking at it for a minute before she moved her hand up and down just once. She looked up at him one last time before leaning down and taking just the tip of his penis in her mouth, swirling her tongue around before taking more of him into her mouth, pressing her tongue along the sensitive underside. Moving up and down slowly, she resisted Jane's urges to move faster.

"God woman, I think you're trying to kill me." She smiled against him as she continued her slow, torturous pace. She cupped his testicles again, testing their weight in her hand as she moved, stroking them slightly in the same rhythm as her mouth. She slowly began to increase both the pressure and the rhythm, knowing that she was driving him crazy by the way he was writhing below her. She knew he wasn't going to last much longer; what with all of their near misses, he had to be strung tighter than a violin string. She was just getting ready to speed up when a shrill trill sounded through the car, breaking her concentration and causing her to jerk up and off of Jane.

"What the hell is _that_?" she asked, clearly frustrated. Jane didn't answer, just groaned painfully. The noise sounded again and Lisbon recognized it as the sound of her cell phone.

"How the hell..." She reached into her pocket and grabbed it out, looking at the caller ID and cursing slightly under her breath.

"Lisbon... Yeah, Cho. The car took longer to fix than we had planned." She looked down at Jane, mouthing 'sorry' to him as he sat up and straightened his clothing around his diminishing erection. Nothing like a call from a co-worker to kill the mood. He returned his seat to its normal position as Lisbon continued talking. "We've been managing to find things to keep us busy, it hasn't been all bad... No, actually Jane's been rather well behaved... Yeah, we'll call when we head out in the morning." She hung up the call and fixed her seat as Jane pulled out of the parking lot.

"Cell service. Who would have thought." She sounded more than just a little annoyed.

"Must be the rest stop. They must have put a tower or something up so that there was service just right here," Lisbon said, noticing, but not mentioning the fact that Jane was going at least 20 miles over the speed limit. She wanted to get back to the hotel as much as he did.

"I don't care what it is, he's got horrible timing. When we get back to the hotel..." He let the sentence hang in the air, knowing that she was as anxious to get back to the hotel as he was. With his speeding it didn't take nearly as long to get back to the motel as it had to get to the town and Jane pulled up in front of the room and parked. He leaned into her, giving her what could only be described as a chaste kiss after what they had been doing in the past few hours, and smiled at her.

"Are you ready for this?"

"Patrick, if we don't get in that room right now we just might be arrested for public indecency." He chuckled slightly before sliding out of the car, followed closely by Lisbon. They were in the room in less than thirty seconds.

_Preview for Chapter 8__: Finally, alone with no interruptions. Need we say more?_


	8. Welcome to the Motel California

**Red Desert**

A collaborative story by kathiann and lgmtreader

**Authors Note: **Hey all, this is sadly the last chapter of our little tail. We would like to thank you all for reading and for your kind words Don't forget to check out lgmtreader's alternate POV tale, Red Desert: Lisbon's Edition. Kathiann would like to point out that the chapter that was just uploaded of that fic is her favorite, very well done and very hot.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own any of the characters in the CBS show The Mentalist.

**Warning: **Rated M for a reason. Pure smut will ensue.

**Chapter 8: Welcome to the Motel California**

They were barely in the room when Jane pulled Lisbon to him and kissed her ravishingly. His hands were on her hips, her back, her ass and hers were equally erratic as she walked backwards to the bed, kicking their shoes off. She fell back slightly when they got to the bed, her hands on his back, causing him to fall onto her. He pushed her back further on the bed until they were lying fully on it, Jane a pleasant weight on top of her. They continued to kiss frantically, only breaking off to remove shirts.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?" Jane asked, looking down at Lisbon beneath him. He was straddling her waist and was struck by the sight. "White and lacy, I always pegged you for a more practical bra."

"Not while I'm off duty," she said, her chest heaving. "Are you going to stare at it all night, or are you going to take it off? I seem to recall you telling me something about that during the movie..." He swallowed and nodded. Sure, he'd already seen her naked, imagined doing this, but it was something entirely different to undress her in real life, to be the one slowly exposing her deliciously smooth skin.

He bent down slowly and pulled her up to meet him, slipping his hands around her back to slip under her bra. He fumbled a little as he unhooked it, sliding the straps down her arms when he finally succeeded and dropping it over the side of the bed onto the floor with their shirts. He leaned her back, marveling at the peaks that her nipples had already formed, before leaning down and kissing her again. He had meant it to be soft and seductive, but when he touched her lips she pulled him down to her, thrusting her hips up into his erection, causing him to groan.

"Do you even know what you do to me?" he growled, kissing down her neck, nipping and sucking randomly when the urge struck. He wanted so much to make this good for her too, but at the same time was having such a hard time holding back. "I don't know how long I can hold out, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, just, just do what you need to," she gasped.

He groaned. He had wanted her to say no, slow it down, but she had just told him to basically take her. Not wanting to wait much longer, he quickly undid the button and zipper on her shorts and slid them off, followed quickly by her panties, white lace like her bra, and threw them onto the floor with the other clothes. Standing quickly, he hurriedly took off his clothes, trying not to focus on Lisbon and the way she was leering at him as he disrobed. As soon as his clothes were off he was on top of her again, reaching down to touch her center, checking to make sure she was ready for him.

He lined his penis up with her opening and hesitated before going on. "Condom?"

"I'm on the pill and clean, you?"

"Yeah." He was overjoyed at the knowledge that he would be able to experience lovemaking with her with no barriers between them. He bent to kiss her once again as he slowly pushed into her, relishing the feel of her hot and wet around him. He started to move slowly, then faster, bringing one of her legs up around his waist to allow himself to get deeper. Moaning as he climbed higher, glad that she had given him permission to go as he needed, glad that he didn't have to hold back. He thrust into her harder, deeper, enjoying that special friction of his sensitively erect penis against her tight yet wet inner walls. Slowly losing all higher cognitive function as he noted dimly that she was thrusting against him in perfect sync, getting closer and closer before he couldn't hold on any longer, letting the pleasure flow through him, shuddering as the spasms overtook his body and he collapsed on top of her.

After he recovered from his climax, he realized she had not had her own orgasm. "Dear Teresa, I think we have some unfinished business... That was not what **you** wanted, was it?"

"Oh, Patrick, no, that was wonderful, amazing! It's just that I get my favorite stimulation in, uh, other ways," she said, smiling up at him. "And, um, you did give me a rather detailed description of just how well you were going to do that, back in the theater."

His eyes widened in recognition of what she wanted, and he returned her smile. "My dear, I think I can even improve on that description," he said to her in a throaty whisper.

One hand gently commenced caressing her, floating down her body to her thigh, where it paused and began tracing feather-light patterns, edging ever nearer to, but not quite reaching, her sex-dampened center. The other hand supported him as he began kissing his way down her body, stopping at the first breast he found. He nipped and suckled at it until the nipple was standing at attention. He then ghosted his lips over to the other breast, repeating that exquisite act on it. As he did so, his lower fingers finally made the contact both she and he craved. First he gently massaged her outer folds with his fingers, then found her hot nub. He gently thrust first one, then two fingers inside of her while his thumb rubbed the clitoris in oh such a perfect way. Teresa was melting into a puddle from all this attention, soft gasps and moans escaping her on a regular basis, her breathing shallow and uneven.

He continued to push his fingers in and out, and her inner walls started clenching against them. He kept up a steady but slow rhythm, wanting her pleasure to last. She began moving her hips in sync with his fingers thrusting in and out. "Mmm, Patrick," he heard, and knew it was time to try something new. Her nipples now both well taken care of, his lips moved down her body, trailing hot kisses all over her stomach and further down, tickling her ever so slightly and causing her to arch into him, while his other hand made sure that her breasts did not suddenly feel neglected.

Finally, his tongue found its way to her folds, and as promised, he darted it in and around the outside of the folds and over the top, but not inside yet. Lisbon was squirming and moaning. This was so much better than the exquisite torture he'd performed on her earlier. His tongue circled round and round, coming closer then floating away, and finally it found its target, her throbbing clitoris and wet vagina. His tongue took over from the thumb, licking, nipping, kissing, suckling her swollen clitoris. He continued the fingers' movement in and out, and then the tongue and fingers traded places for a bit; the tongue flicked in and out of her opening while the fingers massaged her clitoris.

She was in absolute ecstasy. He sped up and slowed down several times, bringing her to the brink again and again, and tongue and fingers resumed their original positions and actions. Finally she could take it no longer. She snaked her fingers into his hair and pulled his head into her with gentle force. This time he didn't slow down, and her building climax was allowed to reach its peak, cresting with her groaning and sighing out his name. He allowed her to enjoy her orgasm to the full, and then slowly brought her back down. All that was left on the bed was a boneless Lisbon-shaped pile of jelly, or so it seemed. He snuggled up to her and she sighed contentedly.

"You know, Patrick, I think from now on you can have your car break down on the way home from road trips any time you like!"

**AN: well, this is it, folks. We hope you've enjoyed this as much as we enjoyed working on it together :) **


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